Four Strategies of Seduction that Other Women don’t Want you to Know
This article was written by Juliette Wilde, female coach at www.zoomonkey.com and certified through www.breakupsupport.com as Breakup Coach on staff:
Today in modern society, we as a gender have perhaps the most unprecedented freedom, opportunity, and mobility ever bestowed upon the female sex. Our grandmothers and great grandmothers would shudder at the world now open to us personally, professionally, and educationally. Women kick ass—they have infiltrated all echelons of business, medicine, law, religion, government, while raising children and changing society’s entrenched concepts of what it means to be a woman—concepts that have pervaded for literally thousands of years.
Ironically, the women I know, both personally and professionally, are steeped in a deep sense of dissatisfaction and longing, especially in regards to their relationships with men and entanglements with romantic love. One does not have to dig too deeply to uncover a familiar regret and sense of emptiness in matters of the heart prevalent in today’s spectacular women. Their stories are familiar—the one got away, the lover tempted by the fruit of another, the man at the office who will not step up to the dating plate, the best friend who refuses to move into a more desired romantic role, the promising first date that is never heard from again; and all while, these independent women continue to prosper economically and professionally.
I believe there is an invisible dichotomy at work that prohibits women from finding satisfaction in love—the mental/physical/spiritual wholeness we so deeply crave in our unions with another person. Because we have grown up in an environment of presumed gender equality, we have discarded and cast off visceral practices of courtship that have served the human race since we first stood on two legs and looked into each others’ eyes around the cave fire. While our human lifestyles have changed dramatically, our human sex, lust, and love drives and practices are virtually identical and still as powerful as they ever were. Yet, I firmly believe, we do not have to abandoned the significant strides we made in terms of freedom, independence, and career, but by injected time tested practices of human seduction, today’s women can realize the potential of having it all.
I contend that if you have lost your ex, cannot get your love interest to move beyond the friend zone, or suffer from a general pervasive malaise in regards to romantic love, you need help. These four simple practices based in physiology, sociology, and evolutionary psychology will awaken and channel the mating apparatus inherent in the man you desire.
Seduction Strategy #1: Slay The Green-Eyed Monster
Could anything be more painful, stressful, and debilitating then jealousy of the competition within the dating pool? To tackle this pesky troll, we first we must recognize that the green-eyed monster is alive and well and wreaking havoc on relationships and self esteem everywhere. If we deny we feel jealousy and claim, “I am NOT a jealous person” we are simply setting ourselves up to react to jealousy in ineffective and destructive ways. Recognize this emotion, and whenever it rears its head, take deep breaths and do not react to its toxin producing anxiety. Above all, never fall into the trap of actively trying to splash your competitor out of the mating pool even though that is the first strategy we will be compelled to use. Avoid using disparaging comments to slander or exclude desirable women—eradicate words like whore, bitch, slut, cheesball…these words will backfire for the following reasons:
- Men are attracted to whom they are attracted to (visuals, pheromones, and search images are deep and powerfully engrained in all mate seeking males) and there is nothing you can do to change that for the long haul. You have to respect men’s search image, learn from it, and perhaps emulate it. And even if somehow you help banish one competitor, another is sure to emerge. Such is the landscape of the mating pool. You cannot be relegated to a reactionary game of whack-a-mole for the rest of your romantic search.
- Men will see you as insecure and lacking in character if you go after other women. Men seek out strength and confidence in women (remember as animals we are driven by survival of the fittest, and weakness is a turn-off). They may even feel sorry for the victim of your dismissive and disparaging treatment. This could backfire and result in increased sympathy and affection for your competition. Furthermore, try this: look in the mirror as you make insulting comments about other women. Your face becomes hard, bitter, and ugly. Face making is a repellent and a turn off—men are drawn to sweetness and strength, not anger and insecurity.
- All men cradle a deep attraction to two or more women locked in loving intimacy—whether or not you ever engage in a manage-a-trois. Coincidentally, I would most often recommend against it, it is OK to subtly evoke that suggestion and possibility in your love interest’s mind’s eye. Be affectionate and loving toward beautiful women. They also are watching to see how you will get along with female friends and family members (both yours and theirs). Network building is a key survival skill, and men and drawn to women with those talents and practices.
- Additionally, when you walk into a room, a party, a working environment, seek out and befriend the most beautiful and attractive woman in the room. You can channel your jealousy into a learning experience and perhaps even a full-fledged friendship. You will be exposed to more men by surrounding yourself with strong and beautiful women as you build an army and network of strength and love. This practice will only make you more desirable to the man you want as well as perhaps meeting other desirable men in the process.
Think of our cultures archetypal fairytales—remember the wicked queen and the step-sisters never ended up with happiness. Always focus on building and becoming the kindest, strongest, and loving heroine you can conceive of—independence and compassion are never mutually exclusively. Men are also hardwired to seek out such a woman; they grew up on the very same fairytales and archetypes.
Although I have written exclusively about monitoring/channeling your jealousy towards beautiful and desirable women, remember to always be kind to all women including the wall-flowers and those that do not pose a threat—never diss your competition in anyway. Women are our brethren, and when we put them down, we put ourselves down. Give it a try—I guarantee you will be pleased with the results.
Seduction Strategy #2: Staging the Trap and Letting him Hunt
“What our grandmothers told us about playing hard to get is true. The whole point of the game is to impress and capture. It’s not about honesty. Many men and women, when they’re playing the courtship game, deceive so they can win. Novelty, excitement and danger drive up dopamine in the brain. And both sexes brag.” —Dr. Helen Fisher, Anthropologist
Today with so much time, energy, and money placed in the ever growing climb up the professional ladder, it is tempting for women to throw up her hands and say, “I have no time for game playing—I want someone to love me just as I am.” That is all well and good, and the ultimate goal of a committed and lasting relationship, but in the early stages of attraction and mating, this repose can become self-defeating. Men are looking for an obstacle course—a series of shoots and ladders, doors and boxes; they want to explore and penetrate, scale fences, shimmy under small openings. They want to engage their innate desire to toil and win—moving methodically toward the end. Remember, most men are hunters, and they vehemently resist possessiveness and constraints. Once you do constrain them, make damn sure they fall intoxicatingly in love with the walls you erect, to the point that they gladly enter your entrapment and stay there.
Think of how men obsessively engage in video games and other games of strategy. As women we cannot present our goods on a silver platter and expect them to stick around for seconds. They may indulge at first, but the longer chase, the longer the engagement. Men do not like to be bored. Here are some practical strategies that engage men in the oldest and most dopamine producing virtual video game since the beginning of time:
- Studies show both men and women will hold their gaze longer on women who have curves as opposed to more underweight and muscular women. Overwhelmingly, the voluptuous woman attracts attention and a second look. That said, always strive to be in the mid to upper portion of your healthy BMI. We compete with other women to be skinny, and society glorifies and rewards the emaciated waif on the catwalk and in magazines, but study after study show that me prefer a little meat. I believe this basic attraction is linked to our evolutionary proclivity towards health, virility, and sexual prowess. Curves are the name of the mating game and indicate the promotion of the human gene pool. Having said that, part of trap setting calls for a certain amount of subterfuge, always remember that male hunter. Yes, you want your potential mate to know you have shapes and mounds under your clothes but you never want to flesh pedal—again, think of the platter. If you give a man his birthday gifts early, he will be bored when the date rolls around. Think balance and tease: if you wear a short skit, wear a longer button down blouse. If you wear spike heels, where a tailored jacket that only suggests a sheer chemise. Accentuate one part of the body at a time. Additionally, most men do not want a woman who gives it away for free the moment she walks in the door. He wants a secret weapon that he can introduce to his mother and his boss, but one that he can make love to like a porn-star behind closed doors. And you are only his porn-star, one he worked hard to land. You will be a vixen in the bedroom, but only once he has earned access to the appropriate level.
- Women today have been encouraged to be outspoken and assertive. These practices have served us well in the courtroom and the boardroom. However, in social settings with mating potential, remember to hold back. Don’t dominate the conversation: less is more. Always make eye-contact, but don’t be afraid to demure and slip away just as a man becomes interested. Pay a man a compliment, just one, that is specific to his physique (“you must have been the tallest boys in your 7th grade class”, “where did you get those deep set eyes—do you have Mediterranean blood?”) but then move away quickly leaving him wanting more. Never complain about your ex or your boss upon your first few meetings and never paint yourself as a victim. Again, strength and a winning attitude are desirable traits in a man’s search for a mate that embodies the survival of the fittest.
- Make sure your surroundings, including your car, apartment, office cubicle, is clean and organized. It does not need to be grand or opulent, but should reflect a sense of pride and care. If you have a child or a cat, make sure there is no smell of excrement or kitty litter—nothing kills the libido more than off-putting smells (more on pheromones next). Never talk about cleaning practices—you certainly don’t want to come across as being rigid or OCD, nor are you interviewing to be his maid, but do handle your surroundings with effortless grace and ease. Let him know through actions, not words, this is how you roll—men seek peace and comfort at the end of the day—a place to find other carnal excitement without chaos, filth, and disarray.
Seduction Strategy #3: Pheromones Trump All
“Romantic love is deeply embedded in the architecture and chemistry of the human brain, … Why We Love.” —Dr. Helen Fisher
Of the five carnal senses—sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell, our modern society places most stock in our sense of sight. Products, images, advertisements, spectacles, films, television, internet pictures, Facebook, Instagram, music videos, and billboards, inundate human life with manufactured images of female beauty. Always remember, often these images are created to sell and make money, not to create authentic opportunities for lust and lasting love.
The one sense that is perhaps the most powerful, yet the most overlooked, is the sense of smell and the commanding force of human pheromones. Try this: ask anyone to describe the person who they most loved in his or her life, and invariable you hear about how this person smells. It resonates even decades after the relationship has ended. Smell exists beyond language—usually the person cannot find the words to describe how the past lover smells, but the person’s eyes close in visceral recollection. Smell is highly personal, erotic, and motivating and deeply embedded in memory. Smell and pheromones (hormones that penetrate our olfactory sense) have been an integral component in mating since the beginning of time, yet our modern society does much to minimize and even subvert its power. Through these simple practices, you can awaken your pheromones and attract the opposite sex like a moth to a flame.
- Sweat Daily and Drink Water: In order to boost and generate your own natural hormones, make sure you are breaking a sweat for at least 15 minutes a day and drinking 6-8 glasses of water. Flavor your water naturally with berries or cucumber slices. Always avoid preservatives in food, snacks, and drinks, including artificially flavored water. Natural fruits and vegetables (especially asparagus and pineapple) always promote pheromone production.
- Bath and Shower only When Necessary: Do not over wash and use soap only when and if you have off putting body odor—a slight pungency is alluring. If you have a date or a high stakes social event, try putting off your shower until right before the event, waiting a minimum of 24 hours, so the pheromones will have time to self generate and strengthen.
- Don’t Over-Wax or Shave: Our society has bastardized human body hair—this is sadly deleterious to the natural and rewarding mating process that our ancestors enjoyed. Hair under the arms and around the pubic area serves a strategic evolutionary function. It is meant to store and promote the sex hormones generated by nearby glandes letting potential mates know unequivocally that you are open and ready for action. This does not mean that one has to be completely bushy and amazon-like, but leaving a tuft of hair around the pubic area and shaving he armpits only twice a week will promote healthy pheromone distribution. Give it a try.
- Use Zinc: One tablet a day for healthy pheromone production. Zinc also increases your own libido and unleashes your creative sexual drive.
- Perfume, Think Depth: In looking for a perfume, avoid flowery and synthetic scents. Always ask about ingredients—lavender, jasmine, pumpkin, and musk are known to promote pheromones. Experiment with oils, finding your pulse points at various places on your body including wrists, ankles, and temples.
Remember, when you follow these specific steps, you bring forth your own unique pheromonal signature. Nobody on the planet can recreate it—and the person who finds your smell most appealing will invariable be someone you are attracted to as well. If you actively disguise your pheromonal fingerprint, you are making your search for a mate that much more daunting. Try these practices for at least a month and then analyze the results.
Seduction Strategy #4: Savor the Win
“It is the Woman who choses the man that will chose her” –Amelia Earhart
The other night I sat down with a dear friend with whom I have been acquainted since high school. Over the years, I have watched this woman triumph again and again in the face of adversity and always end up with the man of her desires. Most women drop their jaws and roll their eyes—I watch and learn.
Even as we sat and chatted in an outdoor café, men of all ages paused respectfully as they passed our table. While she is not a 22-year-old Miami Beach model, she is an ‘it’ girl in her own signature way—she laughs, holds her self with dignity, treats others with respect, reveals curves sparingly, asks questions, stays busy, shows emotion, loves creature comforts, and smells great. We often spend hours talking about the mating game, and she practices and embodies all the strategies outlined above, but I asked her—what else? What else should I tell these women to empower them to find love in the midst of such a challenging backdrop? Her answer was simple, “savor the win.” She explained:
- He calls. Just like you have been hoping for—by using your female wiles and mating practices to great success, he too has thrown his hat into the ring. His voice is sexy and alluring, conceding active engagement in the current of attraction that may just be leading towards an orgasmic finish.
- Don’t call back—savor the win. Wait at least 48 hours before texting. Every time you feel the anxiety and desperation egging you to “close the deal” take out your phone and listen to the message. Savor the win. In our face-paced professional cutthroat world, the early bird catches the worm. Not so in the ancient art of seduction and mating. Men also look for endurance in women—show him you can ride the wave of endurance like no other woman he has ever met. Remember, survival of the fittest.
- Just like you watched your face grow hard and ugly in the mirror as you insulted your competition, now watch yourself as you savor the win. Your face will be strong and beautiful and full of peace and confidence; sex-attracting hormones will exude for your body. Take a walk. Go to a bookstore. Drink a glass of water. Savor the win.
Remember, as much as modern society may want us to forget—we are, above all, animals. We can have all the fruits available to us, but we must always honor the animalistic drives inherent in each of us in order to have it all.
Call me directly to discuss where you are in re-attracting your ex or a new love prospect. 888-666-1871
Written by, Juliette Wilde,
Certified coach with www.breakupsupport.com.